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The Coffee Shop => The Gallery => Topic started by: Janice Sanford on September 13, 2010, 10:54:41 PM

Title: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Janice Sanford on September 13, 2010, 10:54:41 PM
My God Is
by Janice Sanford (Sept 13, 2010)

My god is :
my morning light
When the day begins
My candlestick at night
When my day comes to
its end.

My god is my shadow
My god follows me where ever I go
I have always walked safely
In my god's bright glow.

My god gives me the Strength
to travel life's roads
When there is no one around to help me
my god helps me carry my heavy load.

My god was my beginning
when I begin my journey through life
My god has been with me all of my days
in all good times during all of my strife.

My god is my hearts truth
all of my tomorrows
all wrapped up in to one
My god has never once left my side
since the day that I was born.

My god is my teacher
His lessons have taught me well
the things I needed to know
to be worthy to stand, and walk
in the warmth of my god's sweet glow.


My god is the force moving my life along
filling my heart with my god's beautiful love song
My god helps my heart not to miss one beat
as life carries me along.

My god is the love that my
heart knows and craves
the love that is with me in life
and will one day blanket my grave.

My god is pure love from beginning to end
My god has forgiven this sinner's sins
My god is my saviour, my creator and
my dearest friend.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: John Yamrus on September 15, 2010, 11:27:17 AM
my god, this is long.  janice, this would have much more impact if you reduced it by a few stanzas.  as it stands now, near the end, the reader has become oversaturated with "my god is" and can't wait for it to end.  it's nicely written, but way too long. 
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Vienna on September 19, 2010, 07:40:48 AM
as John said " My God" too long, too much "God". Religion (IMHO) is a private matter and I always feel preached at by writing like this. This is probably just me.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: John Yamrus on September 19, 2010, 06:51:26 PM
as John said " My God" too long, too much "God". Religion (IMHO) is a private matter and I always feel preached at by writing like this. This is probably just me.

ditto
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Ronnie Coleinger on September 19, 2010, 08:11:28 PM
My God Is
by Janice Sanford (Sept 13, 2010)

My god is :
my morning light
When the day begins
My candlestick at night
When my day comes to
its end.

My god is my shadow
My god follows me where ever I go
I have always walked safely
In my god's bright glow.

My god gives me the Strength
to travel life's roads
When there is no one around to help me
my god helps me carry my heavy load.


In my opinion, I would shorten the poem to what I have included in the quote. Use the remaining lines of poetry on another day, in another poem. You write very well, but your readers lose interest when you include to much of a great thing.

Ronnie Coleinger
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: John Yamrus on September 19, 2010, 08:18:59 PM
and i'm sure the author will just state this is merely a listing of her beliefs, which is all well and good, but writing is about communication and at a very early point in this poem (in this act of communicating) things break down and the effect of the communication falls apart.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Ronnie Coleinger on September 19, 2010, 08:44:02 PM
and I'm sure the author will just state this is merely a listing of her beliefs, which is all well and good, but writing is about communication and at a very early point in this poem (in this act of communicating) things break down and the effect of the communication falls apart.

I tried to rearrange the stanzas in the poem to give it better flow, and to help the author communicate her thoughts to her readers. I hoped to give the poem that ability to communicate. After a few attempts, I decided to leave the rewriting of the poem to the author, as it should be. If I rewrite the poem, I have intruded on the authors work. Not my place.

Ronnie Coleinger
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: John Yamrus on September 19, 2010, 09:02:48 PM
I tried to rearrange the stanzas in the poem to give it better flow, and to help the author communicate her thoughts to her readers. I hoped to give the poem that ability to communicate. After a few attempts, I decided to leave the rewriting of the poem to the author, as it should be. If I rewrite the poem, I have intruded on the authors work. Not my place.

Ronnie Coleinger

ronnie;
   very wise words, indeed.
john
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: SharonLeigh on September 19, 2010, 09:14:17 PM
Am I wrong in understanding that the `Gallery` is for simply sharing one`s work...?  I understood if the writer wanted critique and review/revision they would then post within the `review my poetry` board.
.
I agree that posting work in the Gallery also invites commentary; some may not be favorable, of course.  But since Janice did post here, I`d refrain from critique; or am I wrong in this?  Really wondering... (not intending to sound sarcastic.)  :)
.
Best~
Sharon
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Alice, a Country Gal on September 19, 2010, 09:48:11 PM
You're right Sharon.

When in doubt or if it's the first time someone have visited a board, it's always a good idea to read the Sticky at the top of the board.

http://www.mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=14381.0

I think at times people offer a review without checking which board the piece of work is posted on.  I've done it myself a time or two.  Hopefully, when I've noticed, I also corrected myself with at least an explanation.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: SharonLeigh on September 19, 2010, 10:32:45 PM
Thanks, Alice... yes, I hadn`t read the sticky yet   :P  heh!  Also, the Gallery is `new` to me, in the sense that it wasn`t here back when I used to post on MWC under the username `Leigh`... so was just curious how it`all  worked; if there were little unwritten rules or understandings, heh!  Anyhow, glad that`s cleared up, thanks!    :)
.
Apologies for highjacking your thread, Janice.  I wanted to mention I know there are quite a few magazines listed in `Poet`s Market` that are religious in nature, accepting only that subject matter; should you submit this.  (Which you probably already know~!)      :D
.
Best to you~
Sharon
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: eric on September 20, 2010, 07:50:35 AM
If I were the mod, which thankfully I am not, I would remove all comments in this thread except Sharon's and Alice's.  They all exceed the rule.  

My understanding is that unfavorable commentary is not the done thing here.  There are discussion threads like Linda's, but not controversy when work is being shared. 

Thus I'd also apologize to Janice on behalf of the forum.  But I am not the mod, so there you have it.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Vienna on September 20, 2010, 08:10:25 AM
which rule do I exceed eric mate?
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: eric on September 20, 2010, 08:16:53 AM
Look up at the top lad, Nick sets out the order for this board in a sticky.  He does not make it a rule as such but makes clear that this new board is for posting work where the author does not want nattering comments.  The mods like Amie who comment on Nick's post also make this clear.  Perhaps they could correct or clarify me if I have that wrong.

Of course, I agree with you on the substance of what you say mate.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Vienna on September 20, 2010, 08:25:56 AM
oops, sorry eric, and all for the comments.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Alice, a Country Gal on September 20, 2010, 12:12:41 PM
If I were the mod, which thankfully I am not, I would remove all comments in this thread except Sharon's and Alice's.  They all exceed the rule.  

My understanding is that unfavorable commentary is not the done thing here.  There are discussion threads like Linda's, but not controversy when work is being shared. 

Thus I'd also apologize to Janice on behalf of the forum.  But I am not the mod, so there you have it.

Eric, any member can remove their own post as you know. Other than that, I or another mod would most likely agree to remove 'critique' type post if Janice, the tread owner, requested we do so.

But despite some thoughts to the contrary, we try not to delete posts or threads without very good reasons.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: eric on September 20, 2010, 02:32:32 PM
Thank you Alice.  I did not make clear enough that I was just making the point as to what I would do, not what I was asking to be done.  So it's easy to see how you might misunderstand it.  Good of you to clarify your policy anyway.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Ronnie Coleinger on September 20, 2010, 05:37:11 PM
If I was out of line and need to apologize, or remove my post, please feel free to tell me.

Ronnie Coleinger
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Alice, a Country Gal on September 20, 2010, 06:12:52 PM
Janice hasn't posted since you did the post on this thread. So as far as I can see, it's a wait and see situation.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: John Yamrus on September 21, 2010, 01:34:59 PM
So as far as I can see, it's a wait and see situation.

a wait and see situation?  what is this, the Cuban Missile Crisis?  some poems are just better than others, and i'm probably the guiltiest of all in making suggestions as to how she could have made this one better.
john yamrus

Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: DIZI on September 21, 2010, 02:51:02 PM
You naughty naughty boy.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Alice, a Country Gal on September 21, 2010, 08:25:29 PM
a wait and see situation?  what is this, the Cuban Missile Crisis?  some poems are just better than others, and i'm probably the guiltiest of all in making suggestions as to how she could have made this one better.
john yamrus

John, I was referring to, wondering if she was going to come back.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Janice Sanford on October 02, 2010, 01:18:14 PM
I thank everyone for their comments. There is no need to remove. Doesn't a poem stand or fall on its own merit? Have a great day,ALL. (smile)
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: drab on October 02, 2010, 08:50:56 PM
Nicely put Janice. I may not be a fan of your poem but your reply demonstrates more than a little style and grace.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: irallan on October 02, 2010, 09:26:49 PM
As beauty is to the eye of the beholder , so is truth to the ear of the listener. To many the length of your poem would be appropriate to honor their god. I liked the openness of the gods identity and could be related to many religions. The one thing that jarred with me was the inconsistent structure and syllable count per line as well as an irregular rhythm. I hope I'm making sense here. For instance the first stanza,:

My god is :
my morning light             4 syllables
When the day begins       5 syllables
My candlestick at night    6  syllables
When my day comes to
its end.                         7 syllables

By writing the stanza again perhaps as :

My morning light
When my day  begins
my candle at night
When my day does end

I don't feel the flow and rhythm in your lines . I think that a subject like the god you are describing would be better served with more rhythm and harmony in the lines lengths perhaps more detail to technicality, I am not sure as I haven't studied poetry format since high school , just what I feel when I read you work. Do like the essence though..Warm regards..Iain

Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Janice Sanford on October 05, 2010, 12:35:35 PM
Nicely put Janice. I may not be a fan of your poem but your reply demonstrates more than a little style and grace.

Thank you. I am sure everyone had the best of intentions.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Isabella Twilight on October 20, 2010, 06:42:44 AM
Janice,

I think your poem is beautiful. It is so easy to be a critic when you are not the author. I think it is ludicrous for others to "edit" or "rewrite" others' works. How presumptious!  :o

Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: twisted wheel on October 20, 2010, 06:47:08 AM
Janice,

I think your poem is beautiful. It is so easy to be a critic when you are not the author. I think it is ludicrous for others to "edit" or "rewrite" others' works. How presumptious!  :o



i have to agree - whether we like it or not, janice posted it in the gallery to be read and not critiqued.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Tempered on October 20, 2010, 07:00:56 AM
I had to go back to the original post and then read all the comments before I thought about commenting myself.

The easy way around this, since this appears to be a matter of a forum to showcase a particular poem/story strictly for the enjoyment, is to remove the option of commenting.

If only positive comments are permitted then you only get half the response. If it is not enjoyable, or if it is found offensive by certain readers, then they don't feel left out of the loop by being hesitant in saying so(as it seems positive feedback is the only option as it stands now)

just a thought
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: twisted wheel on October 20, 2010, 07:44:24 AM
hi tempered.

it's in the gallery for reading and not critique. there are review sections for that. if you have positive comments, leave them by all means. if not, walk away. if janice wasn't happy with the poem she wouldn't post it here.

daryl
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Tempered on October 20, 2010, 07:52:08 AM
Hello Daryl

I am aware of what a gallery is for when it comes to reading. I view it the same as I do when buying a book. If I like it, then I do, if I don't, well then I don't, but either or, I do not contact the author and tell them my views, because it is for reading only, and the enjoyment.

But...

When you give the option to comment, you best toughin up and expect both sides, or there shouldn't be any sides. It is a matter of being fair to all readers.

Though this is not a section for critiques the line between explaining why you liked and why you didn't like is the same. example

...I liked this because it followed my belief.....

...I didn't because it felt too drawn out and could be shortened....

Both are comments, both try to explain why they made them rather than leave the author wondering why.

So, if the option of commenting is removed, a reader can enjoy, a writer can share, and no feelings are offended.

I've seen this on other sites, so am not so newbie as I appear

thanks for your thoughts.

Sorry, originator of this piece for hijacking your thread.


Tempered
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: twisted wheel on October 20, 2010, 08:09:49 AM
that's cool tempered. we'll agree to disagree.  8)

sorry janice.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Tempered on October 20, 2010, 08:11:00 AM
There is always that option, Daryl.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Vienna on October 20, 2010, 08:29:46 AM
I also sometimes make the mistake of commenting here. As, indeed, I did with this poem. I apologised for my comments and will simply read work that's posted here and then sneak out as quietly as possible. ;D
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Alice, a Country Gal on October 20, 2010, 11:05:11 AM
To remove any confusion and just in case anyone have neglected to read; here are the guidelines for this board.

http://www.mywriterscircle.com/index.php?topic=14381.0

Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Ronnie Coleinger on October 20, 2010, 02:02:53 PM
We have all said we were sorry for posting on a restricted thread. Do you require a public stoning of the perpetrators to feel avenged?

Ronnie Coleinger
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Alice, a Country Gal on October 20, 2010, 02:53:41 PM
We have all said we were sorry for posting on a restricted thread. Do you require a public stoning of the perpetrators to feel avenged?

Ronnie Coleinger

If you are referring to me Ronnie . . . the answer is no.  I posted the link due to the fact that some here (and else where) skip right over the guidelines for the various boards.

My only intent was to (hopefully) offer a reminder that they exist. 
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: lovelylexi on October 23, 2010, 03:28:45 PM
Absolutely beautiful work of art.... Very inspiring and creative...
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Janice Sanford on October 26, 2010, 04:45:39 AM
as John said " My God" too long, too much "God". Religion (IMHO) is a private matter and I always feel preached at by writing like this. This is probably just me.

I did not post this poem to offend anyone. The title "My God Is" clearly warns those who don't like to be "preached at " that the subject of the poem is religion. I, personally, do not read poems on subjects that do not interest me. To me sex is a private matter but as a poetess I'm not offended because some choose to write about sex. Thanks, to each of you who have commented on my poetry.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: jan12550 on November 09, 2010, 12:07:44 AM
You pretty much said it all and bared your soul. Thanks for sharing!
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Emmy on November 27, 2010, 02:20:23 PM
Like other people have mentioned by the last few verses the poem did seem to get a triffle too long. But I must say I think it's a really good piece of work and I enjoyed reading it. Religious poems can be nice to read as it gives you an insight into what other people believe. Keep up the good work! :)
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Janice Sanford on July 28, 2011, 01:05:21 AM
Sorry, to be so late in thanking everyone for commenting on my poem. Thank each of you.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Janice Sanford on April 21, 2012, 02:03:36 AM
I saw no need of re-posting this poem for those who may not have gotten the chance to read it so I am just replying. I hope no one minds?
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: J TETSTONE on June 03, 2018, 02:59:33 PM
It's hard  to believe I posted this poem here 'My Writers Cicle's Gallery almost Eight (8) years ago. Everyone have a blessed day......Love and peace  Janice 'Jan' Sanford Tetstone
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Mark T on July 03, 2018, 05:55:45 PM

Welcome back, Janice. Have you perhaps written another poem to post in the meantime?
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: J TETSTONE on July 11, 2018, 09:43:03 PM
Thank you Mark. I look forward to reading your poetry....
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: Mark T on August 20, 2018, 05:58:21 PM

There's plenty of it over in the RMP board.
Title: Re: Poem: My God Is
Post by: J TETSTONE on August 20, 2018, 07:44:46 PM
Thank you. I'll check it out.