My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: "lorraineofkeli" on June 19, 2006, 03:06:29 PM

Title: Little One
Post by: "lorraineofkeli" on June 19, 2006, 03:06:29 PM
Hi, please comment on the following if you can. I did it very quickly; I'm sorry if it's a bit messy


----

I'm suffering a little
yet within me you grow.
And suffering I'll bear
without a whisper of care
For within me, this beating
undeniably glorious feeling
is worth a multitude of pain
on which a life is revealing.

What's a period of discomfort
compared to your first explorations,
you first gasps of breath and your senses awakened?

Vibrant, alive! Roaming so free.
In this tiny space
I see me

Extended and perfected to an ultimate level
One that nobody will reach -
Except for you.

You, Little One, Yet to be seen
Yet to be held in my waiting arms.
And he stands there proud
For he waits as well.

You. A bounty of hope.
The power that drives us.
A pathway is set and time is in motion
We'll do what we can in the time that we have
And we know that whatever - our love is shared.

Peace itself is the joy you bring
Until the day you're announced,
this heart of mine sings.

Pumping and beating
This heart oh so wonderous!
Now it is yours - perceptions have altered.
What was once merely there
without thought and due care
Exists as a lifeline
to my Little One, my prayer.
Title: Re: Little One
Post by: Violet Ink on June 20, 2006, 02:49:20 PM
i like this is very well writen and open. :)xxxxxxx
Title: Re: Little One
Post by: Raphael on June 21, 2006, 12:25:55 AM
From a Newbie. I like it very personal.

Raphael
Title: Re: Little One
Post by: Alita Patel on November 20, 2014, 08:58:40 PM

This sound great!  It reminds me of when I was pregnant with my children.  Good memories!

Alita
Title: Re: Little One
Post by: Amie on November 21, 2014, 09:26:24 AM
Wow, you had to go back to 2006 to find a poem worthy of commenting on?

Lorraine hasn't been active on this forum for a long time...

Probably more helpful if you focus more on poems that have been posted in the past couple of weeks?

Thanks :)
Title: Re: Little One
Post by: rosez on November 21, 2014, 01:57:07 PM
Wow, you had to go back to 2006 to find a poem worthy of commenting on?

Lorraine hasn't been active on this forum for a long time...

Probably more helpful if you focus more on poems that have been posted in the past couple of weeks?

Thanks :)
:) :)
 While this is a nice poem, I fully agree with Amie in focusing more on poems posted recently.