My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: mickward on June 07, 2006, 10:57:38 AM

Title: In My Life
Post by: mickward on June 07, 2006, 10:57:38 AM

I’ve been lucky in my life to see the sun rise over the Nile
To see its rays call a nation of Muslims to prayer
To see a dozen ducklings follow mum along in single file
To see on a misty morn the dash across fields of a hare

I’ve been lucky in my life to hear a cockoo sing its song
To hear bats cry eerily shrill in the dark
To hear a Norfolk bittern boom deep and strong
To hear in the morning the aria of a meadow lark

I’ve been lucky in my life to feel a child’s hand in my own
To feel the warmth of a fire on a frosty winters night
To feel a handful of seedlings from seeds that I’ve sown
To feel the potency of nature’s strength when flying a kite

I’ve been lucky in my life to smell whole fields of wild mint
To smell the perfume of fresh rosemary, sage and dill
To smell the sweet acidity of the Sunday papers newsprint
To smell fresh Kenyan coffee straight from the mill

I’ve been lucky in my life to taste the best that nature can supply
To taste in Egypt; buffalo, saffron and fresh ripe lemons
To taste in Germany; sauerkraut, stollen and pastrami on rye
To taste in Greece; pistachios from the tree and succulent melons

I’ve been lucky in my life to experience more things than most
Perhaps I will encounter more in the future than I have in the past
Maybe I will see an earthquake, maybe see a fairy or even a ghost
But if I don’t then I have plenty in my mind to last and last and last
Title: Re: In My Life
Post by: Lin on June 07, 2006, 02:23:30 PM
Nice poem I enjoyed it BUT and there always is a but isnt there?? Apologies!!   

I was concerned that some of the lines didn't seem to follow on logically.   You mentioned about Muslims and then went on to ducks following Mum.

In a poem like this you are obviously wildlife sensitive and this is great - I am all for anyone who writes about nature to create awareness of our fragile earth.   I just felt that it would have been better to link one area to another more logically.  The poem does this in some places and in others not so.   Perhaps you could bear this in mind for any changes you might make.

As a person who enjoys good meter in a poetry line I wasnt so sure about this also, but this is your poem and I always think that poetry, unlike a fiction novel, is in the eye of the writer and the reader obtains a feel for the person doing the writing.   A fiction novel is a story upon which the reader becomes involved in an imaginary world which has been brought to them in the form of a book.  Poems for me are lovely words and I try to get a feel for the writer when I read them.   This is more a personal thing than general I think.

All the best

Title: Re: In My Life
Post by: Bryn on June 07, 2006, 06:47:50 PM
Hello Mick,

what your poem says to me is that you can pin-point moments of significance in your life and make them rhyme. I feel no sense of why they are significant to you, nor why you choose to put them into a poem. I think you probably have the skeleton of a good poem there, but you need to think about what a reader is going to get from it in order to flesh it out. To me its just a list of irrelevant images, most of which are not unique to you and those which are rarer, well, they're not unique either. What would make it unique is if you told us a little bit more about how they made you feel, other than just 'lucky'. In fact, repeating that phrase over and over makes the whole poem seem a bit jangly and detracts from what are obviously intended to be serene and sacred moments.

Hope this has been helpful to you, be not deterred, Bryn.
Title: Re: In My Life
Post by: mickward on June 08, 2006, 04:58:59 AM
hi Bryn and Lin
  Hey, you guys rhyme!

I'm not deterred.....all comments gratefully recieved (well polite comments that is). This poem was much longer and I cut it to qualify for a competition 9i didn't win !), so maybe I cut it too much, no matte as it means something to me.

  Mick Ward
Title: Re: In My Life
Post by: Lin on June 09, 2006, 07:58:52 AM
Hi Mick,

Yes I agree with Bryn, these are your images.   I noticed that much of your poetry seems to be written from your personal experiences in the first person.

I have written a few poems myself and I do tend to write them from the third person using my personal experiences.   Please dont take this the wrong way, but when I read a poem that says I did this and I did that, the word that immediately comes to mind is that the writer is egoistic.
This is not necessarily you, but any writer,  and again this is a personal viewpoint and certainly does not necessarily reflect the opinions of others.

I like to see a poem with well thought out words, unusual words, good meter (If it
isn't prose) and written in the third person or telling a story and little repetition, I can relate to that.  I suppose I'm old fashioned in poetry style, but it works for me.

I can tell you are an enthusiast with the poetry and I wish you every success with your efforts in the future.  I shall keep reading and reviewing.



Title: Re: In My Life
Post by: mickward on June 10, 2006, 04:40:05 AM
Hi Lin,

  yes, some of my work is in the first person, but then most of it is not (i'll post some for you later iif you don't believe me. like i've tried to explain many times before on this site, i write poetry for fun and for the purpose of leaving something behind for my ancestors to understand me by.
 I've known for a long time that my life expectancy is short due to illness and whilst I have accepted this, i need to put my thoughts about my own life into words as soon as possible, so that the family i leave behind can read it and say "oh, so that's what Mick Ward was all about". i really can't evisage them complaining about my egotism or about the metre of my poems.

  Mck Ward
Title: Re: In My Life
Post by: Lin on June 10, 2006, 02:00:16 PM
Hi Mick,

Yes these little things in life are sent to try us!!   I am sad to hear that you got your personal problems.   My husband has diabetes and you never know what's around the corner do you?   We are making plans to travel a lot before the pair of us get old and twisted!!

I will keep reading your poems and there is no reason why you shouldn't consider some publication you know if you haven't already.   Poetry is an excellent way of letting go yourself - very therapuetic.   If I were you I would certainly have a go at some kind of publishing even if its vanity publishing.   For you this could be a really nice way of leaving yourself behind to your family.

Anyway without getting too morbid, its important what happens in the here and now.   

See you around

Title: Re: In My Life
Post by: mickward on June 11, 2006, 04:14:00 AM
hi Lin,

  Art last......somebody understands why I write poetry !
  Thank you for taking the time to let me know that yocan see where i am going. i really don't have an over-inflated ego, just an understanding of where my life is going and what i have to do before i get there.

  Good luck to your husband. i have had diabets for 32 years (got it in 1974) and consider it the least of my worries really.......there are so many other diseases that I might have ended up with and a lot worse ones at that.

  Mick Ward.
Title: Re: In My Life
Post by: Lin on June 11, 2006, 08:38:55 AM
Well as you seem to have published a lot of stuff on mywriterscircle I suggest we now take it a stage further and pick out the best ones.   Why dont you ask the members to vote which poems they like the best.   All you need to do is type in the titles of all those you have posted and ask the members to vote on each one - there is a facility for voting on the site. 

See what happens and I really do suggest that you consider some vanity publishing under your circumstances, it could be good for you.   You are obviously enthusiastic so go for it!