My Writers Circle

Poets Corner => Review My Poetry => Topic started by: aelfwin on May 19, 2006, 01:53:13 PM

Title: "Small Town Sunday Morning"
Post by: aelfwin on May 19, 2006, 01:53:13 PM
Small Town

Roosters crowing dawn is nigh,
Squirrels dashing to and fro,
Distant chuchbell, apple pie,
Hornís a honking letís all go,
Small town Sunday Morning.

Children laughing in the park,
Running, swinging, playing ball,
Song of blue jay, sparrow, lark,
Summer breeze, a motherís call,
Small town Sunday Morning

Church is calling donít be late,
Ladies in their Sunday best,
Truants finding fishing bait
Everyone is truly blessed,
Small town Sunday morning.

Summer sunís rays beaming down
 On picnics made with love
Ice cream truck rolls into town
Chasing off the memories of
Small town Sunday Morning.

Aelf  ;D
Title: Re: "Small Town Sunday Morning"
Post by: CarrieSheppard on May 19, 2006, 04:57:02 PM
Nice one - conjours up images immediately.  Can chickens crow?  I know cockerels do - but is chickens the group term or does it just mean the girls?  Sorry - not up on my chicken terminology!

Cheers
Carrie
Title: Re: "Small Town Sunday Morning"
Post by: sjreed56 on May 20, 2006, 01:34:51 AM
Aelf,
This poem took me back to visits with my grandparents. I love the genteel flow and rhythm. And the surprising twist at the end. ~ Sherry

Where I am, a chicken is the  genus. Females are hens and males are rooster or cocks. 
Title: Re: "Small Town Sunday Morning"
Post by: aelfwin on May 20, 2006, 10:15:08 AM
Hi all, thanks for the feedback. I will correct my error. Of course, it should be Roosters crowing, not chickens. I have about 20 chickens and 3 roosters and when I speak of them, I lump them together as "The Chickens". That doesn't work in poetry though.  :o Regards, Aelf
Title: Re: "Small Town Sunday Morning"
Post by: Tiggywinkle on May 21, 2006, 06:42:37 AM
This poem  is very evocative.   This definitely reminds me of my childhood.  My only small quibble would be the use of the word 'truant'.  Since it is Sunday morning, the kids don't have to be in school!

Thanks, I enjoyed reading this.
Title: Re: "Small Town Sunday Morning"
Post by: CarrieSheppard on May 21, 2006, 08:34:17 AM
I thought that at first, but then I thought they were being truant from church..

Carrie
Title: Re: "Small Town Sunday Morning"
Post by: aelfwin on May 21, 2006, 09:38:14 AM
Hi Tiggywinkle and Carrie. The most powerful aspects of posting a work for critiques are the comments. A good example is Tiggy's comment. When I wrote this I was thinking about kids skipping church to go fishing, as Carrie said. It hadn't dawned on me that Sunday and truant might stop the flow of reading due to a perceived inacurracy, as Tiggywinkle pointed out. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. Aelf  ;D