My Writers Circle

Workshop => Review My Work => Topic started by: Smellieellie on December 07, 2008, 02:49:45 PM

Title: need honest opinion! :D thanks...
Post by: Smellieellie on December 07, 2008, 02:49:45 PM
Hey...Its kind of reeally long, but if you get bored just tell me!
Thanks :D
Please comment!

Edward, the name shattered through my brain like broken glass. Cutting me, deeper and deeper. He held no mercy, no salvation, no rescue from this curse that hung over me. I threw the picture across the room. The glass frame hitting the wood panelled skirting, breaking into a thousand unfixable pieces. Yet the photograph remained intact, the forever reminder of his existence. I ran to salvage the abandoned evidence, my feet cutting on the scattered glass, yet I could not let the beautiful photograph lie among shards of glass, alone.
Why could he still bring me so much unbearable pain? My head was throbbing with his constant image every time I shut my eyes, my fingers twisted into knots with every moment he was not there, my heart was dead. Beating its slow, steady rhythm, but it was dead. Dead to any emotion, dead to any love.

Except for him.

My heart knew he had gone. It could feel his presence every time he had bent down to kiss me. It could feel the moment he slipped through my fingers. Gone. Yet why did it keep beating? Why did it yearn for him, more and more each day he was not there? Couldn’t it see? Couldn’t it see what torture he was bringing to me even now? Why couldn’t my heart just stop beating?

The wind hit my face, cold, unforgiving. Dust blew into my eyes, I tried to blink it away yet it scratched them red raw. I didn’t care, I could barley notice it. The fields behind our little café stroke apartment were deserted. Like always. I could feel the warmth spreading out from the open back door into the frozen, broken field, yet I could not go back in there. Into where I lived with him on my mind. Into the house where he belonged. Into mine and Edwards world, our forever world.

This place I was now, this chilling, emotionless place, was better than in the house. In this place I could survive without him, I could reinvent myself; I could be whoever I wanted to be. Yet I could not be.
I stepped back inside. The artificial warmth smacked my face, hard. Shivers of fear and loneliness cascaded through my body. Another night, another lonely night in this cold, cold hell.

Title: Re: need honest opinion! :D thanks...
Post by: JenniferJean on December 07, 2008, 05:06:57 PM
Hey I like it, but when I see the name Edward I think of Twilight...but it did keep my interest very nice :)
Title: Re: need honest opinion! :D thanks...
Post by: Smellieellie on December 07, 2008, 05:13:18 PM
Hey, Yea the book kind of inspired me, except the character of Edward Cullen is completeley different from this Edward the name just inspired me and Bella's feelings for him inspired this too.

Thanks for the comment :)