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The Coffee Shop => The Gallery => Topic started by: Andrewf on June 13, 2008, 08:25:09 AM

Title: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Andrewf on June 13, 2008, 08:25:09 AM
When I started writing this story, I thought that the idea was good and the ending would be unexpected enough for a nice twist in the tail short story.  :)

Unfortunately, now that I’ve finished it, I don’t think the ending is up to standard. And worse, at the moment I don’t have any ideas on how to change it to make it better.  ??? :(

Please let me know what you think to it, and any ideas on improving the twist.  ;D

Causality Loop

Samuel Sheldon sat at his workbench peering through his binocular magnifiers at the highly detailed circuit board in front of him. A faint curl of smoke issued from his needle-nose soldering iron where he touched it to the board. Satisfied, he meticulously returned the iron to its stand before sliding the small board back into its socket amid the multitude of other boards and wires inside the shoe-box sized white-plastic box.

Eager to finally try out his invention, Sam slid closed the cover of the box and switched it on. Small bulbs on the surface glowed into life and the dial needles flicked over to their starting positions. He grasped the twin chrome U-shaped handles that protruded from the ends and breathed out a tremulous sigh. He was really going to travel in time! His heart pounding with excitement, he pressed his right thumb on the activation button.
A faint tingle rippled up his arms in time with the flashing lights, but nothing further happened.

Frustrated, he pushed the box onto the bench top and viciously twisted the power to ‘off’. He slid the cover of the box open and began poking through the mass of wires, muttering to himself.

“Oscillation amplitude factor looks good...”

“The beat phase is aligned...”

“Phased regeneration at right angles to the...”

“Temporal impedance coefficient is approaching zero...”
*   *   *

“Ahem, excuse me.”
Sam was startled from his inspection when the voice spoke behind him, where no voice should be. He was sure he’d locked the lab door. He grabbed the handle of the soldering iron and spun around to confront whomever it was.
“What the...” Sam started. Stood before him was none other than himself.
He wore the same grey slacks and stained white shirt and was holding a white plastic box by its chrome handles.

“Didn’t mean to startle you,” the other Sam smiled, “but there was no other way, it was inevitable really.”
Sam looked at the white plastic box in the other’s hands and immediately realised who he must be. He wondered how he had managed to get the time machine to work and asked, “Why are you here? What’s happened? How did I get it to work?”
“I’ve come to warn you,” the other Sam stated simply. “If you finish that time machine, you will be in great danger!”
“What from?” Sam shot back, “Where - no - ‘When’ are you from? And what’s wrong with my machine?”

The other Sam started to reply but whatever he said was reduced to a whisper. A nimbus appeared around him, like rainbow coloured orange wedges spinning around him that faded to transparency, taking his body with them.

Sam turned back to his bench and his own proto time machine. He replaced the soldering iron on its stand and sat, excited by what he had obviously managed. Scenarios of what he could do, of where and when he could go scampered through his imagination.
A loud clatter made him jump from his reverie when the soldering iron rolled from the stand and fell to the floor. He bent over to retrieve it and heard a singularly odd sound from behind him, a brief, faint sizzle.

Sam spun around again, his heart racing. A figure dressed all in black, like a ninja, stood beside the filing cabinet holding a pistol aimed at where Sam had been sitting. A white plastic box dangled from his other hand at his side.
Before Sam could do anything, a familiar rainbow nimbus appeared around the intruder, spinning around his body and fading away with him.

Sam’s first instinct was to run. To take his time machine and run to somewhere else, anywhere else. But, if they could find him in his lab they could find him anywhere. His only hope lay in completing the machine and hiding in time.
He grabbed the time machine and his tools from the bench and retreated to a corner, facing the middle of the room, where he hoped he would be able to see any attackers appearing.
The acrid stench of burnt plastic assaulted his nose and a quick examination of his time machine revealed a charred hole in the side. Inside the box, whatever made the hole also melted wires and components.
Working at a furious pace, Sam pulled out all the circuit boards and ribbon cables, repairing or replacing each one as needed. When he reached the heart of the box his shoulders slumped in despair, he felt like weeping. All his hard work, all the years of calculations and design, for nothing.

Deep in the middle of the main motherboard a large silvery block stood with a neat hole burnt right through it.
How could he continue without the Plasmatic CPU? The one component that was vital and irreplaceable, it had taken most of his funds to have one made. Even if he had the funds for another, it would take a month to be grown properly.

*   *   *

A brisk knock sounded at the door. Sam ignored it and wallowed in his misery.
“Hello.... Doctor Sheldon.... Are you there?”
Sam looked up from the mess surrounding him, wondering who could be disturbing his work. He carefully stood, ensuring that he didn’t step on anything, and headed towards the door.
“Who is it?” he called, unwilling to just open it and possibly expose himself to further danger.
“It’s Frank, Doctor Sheldon,” the voice claimed, “building security. There’s a delivery guy here with a package for you.... from Dynatech.”

Dynatech? They were the company who grew the core of the Plasmatic CPU! Sam wondered what they could be delivering, unlocked the door and peered through the gap.
A large man in a security guard’s uniform stood outside the door. Sam vaguely recognised him and asked, “Why couldn’t this go into the normal post box?”
“I’m sorry Doctor Sheldon,” Frank apologised, “but...”
“I was told a person to person delivery,” the man in the UPS uniform interrupted. “I’ve got instructions to only hand this over to Doctor,” he then read from his data-pad, “Doctor Samuel Sheldon!”
“That’s me,” Sam nodded and stepped from his lab into the corridor.
“Ok Doc, can you sign here?” the courier then handed the data-pad and stylus to him.

Once he had signed, Sam swapped the data-pad for a cardboard cube about three-inches across and returned to his lab, absently closing and locking the door behind him, preoccupied by the package he held. Could it really be another one? Another Plasmatic core?
With the urgent anticipation of a child, he swiftly ripped away the outer packaging, revealing the bubble-wrapped inner. He paused and held his breath, almost reverently lifting away the plastic and unveiling a new Plasmatic core!
Resisting the urge to leap and cavort in jubilation, he removed the letter that had been folded in with the packaging and read it. It appeared that the first core had been defective and they had sent this corrected replacement.

“So that’s why it didn’t work,” Sam sighed with relief, glad that the bad core was the reason for the initial failure and not his theory or calculations.
He returned to his corner and swiftly removed the damaged CPU from the motherboard.
Thirty minutes of uninterrupted work later, Sam had replaced the damaged core, repaired the silver shield around it and replaced it on the motherboard.
With the final circuit board inserted into its socket, Sam stood poised with his hands on the controls. Where to go first? And, more importantly, when?
“Well, first things first,” he smiled to himself and set the controls, including an automatic return after five-minutes. He grasped the twin chrome handles, breathed out an excited sigh and pressed the activation button.

Planes of rainbow swirls swept around him and the colour bleached out of the world beyond, fading to white. After only a moment, the world snapped back into existence around him.
He was stood to one side of the filing cabinet, staring at the back of the person working at the bench. He initially felt disconcerted to be looking at his past self as he worked, like he shouldn’t be there or was watching something illicit. He could hear his past version muttering to himself as he worked.

“Phased regeneration at right angles to the...   Temporal impedance coefficient is approaching zero...”

“Ahem,” Sam coughed to get his past self’s attention, “excuse me.”
His past self quickly grabbed the handle of the nearby soldering iron and spun around. “What the...” he started but stopped himself in mid sentence.

“Didn’t mean to startle you,” Sam smiled, remembering how this conversation had already played itself out, “but there was no other way, it was inevitable really.”
“Why are you here?” his past self asked, “What’s happened? How did I get it to work?”
“I’ve come to warn you,” Sam stated simply, knowing it would do no good, “If you finish that time machine, you will be in great danger!”
“What from?” his past self asked, “Where - no - ‘When’ are you from? And what’s wrong with my machine?”
“A man in black will try to kill you!” Sam replied but the familiar rainbow nimbus surrounded him, blanking out his surroundings. After a moment, the lab appeared again just as he’d left it.

*   *   *

Having warned himself, Sam was determined to hide from his unknown attackers. Without looking, he spun the knobs and dials on the face of the time machine, in the hope that shifting randomly would prevent them following him.
When the blank white had vanished, Sam found himself in a dim and dingy alley. Oily puddles dotted the alley floor and overlapping garish graffiti decorated the sheer concrete walls. A light bolted high on the wall flickered, fitfully illuminating the chain-link fence that blocked that end of the alley. The other opened onto a dark city street.

A shrill yell pierced the humid air. “Get away from me!”
Sam dashed to the open end of the alley and looked up the street for the source. He saw two large men in dark jeans and jackets crowding close to a woman in a lime-green jumpsuit.
“Oi!” Sam called out and dashed towards them. “Leave her alone!”
The two thugs turned to face him, glints of light flashed from the blades they held.
“Keep outa this podder,” the thug on the left grinned harshly and twisted his blade to make it flash.
“This drone’s poddin’ ours!” the other added with a sneer of contempt.
Sam wondered where everyone else might be. Why weren’t they coming to help the woman?

An idea burst into Sam’s mind and he smiled confidently at them, stepped closer and suggested, “I think you two had better leave her alone and go.... before I have to get rough.”
The two thugs laughed derisively and jostled the woman they held between them.
“Pod off!” the thug on the left chuckled, while the other asked, “You an’ who’s poddin’ army?”
Sam simply smiled again and retorted, “This one!”

The sound of marching echoed from the alley towards them, briefly preceding the striding forms of scores of Sams. The two thugs goggled in disbelief at the multitude striding towards them with determined looks on their faces.  After only a few moments gaping and brazenly waving their knives, the two thugs turned and ran.
The woman stared at Sam, and the throng of those identical to him crowding behind. “What? ... Who are you?”
Sam chuckled and replied, “I’m just a bystander who wants to help.”
One of the other Sams pushed forward from the back to stand beside Sam. “I’m the last in the sequence; you’d best go back and start the whole thing off.”
“Understood,” Sam nodded and smiled, “I’ll leave her in ‘our’ capable hands then.” He adjusted the controls of the time machine, held the handles in both hands and pressed the activator.

A brief moment later he reappeared in the dingy alley again. Around him he could see a multitude of overlapping rainbow shimmers as his other selves appeared. Together, they turned towards the alley entrance and at the signal marched out to confront the thugs.
Again and again, Sam looped back on himself. Each time appearing in the alley further back in the throng and marching out once more. Until finally, he was at the back of the congregating crowd, the last in the sequence.
He pushed forward through the crowd of his other selves to stand beside the earliest self. “I’m the last in the sequence,” he suggested, “you’d best go back and start the whole thing off.”
The crowd all vanished in a mass of rainbow swirls, leaving Sam and the woman alone in the deserted street.

“What? ... What just happened?” the woman asked, her eyes glancing between Sam and the space where the crowd of him no longer stood. “Who are you?”
“My name is Sam,” he smiled, “and that is a long story. Why don’t I walk you home and explain?”
She looked puzzled but nodded once and turned, starting up the street. Sam caught up and walked beside her. “This may sound a little odd, but what year is this?”
“The year?” she asked, puzzled, “it’s 243 of course.”
“243?” he asked, “243rd year of what?”
The woman stopped and stared at him for a moment before continuing on and answering, “Of the commonwealth. Where are you from that you don’t know that?”

“Sir, would you come with me.” A deep voice commanded from behind.
Both Sam and the woman turned to see who had spoken. About ten yards behind them a man stood dressed in a form fitting black unitard. He had close-cropped Sandy hair and the firm features of someone from the armed services.
“I don’t think so,” Sam shook his head and swiftly lifted up his time machine, randomly set the controls and pressed the activation button, leaving them both behind.
“Don’t...” he heard the man in black start to shout before the world faded out around him.

The world jumped up at him and Sam stumbled slightly as he landed. He was waist deep in a sea of lush grass that swayed in the playful breeze. The land sloped up away from him on the left with the grass edging into the forest that ringed the small valley he found himself in. Looking higher still, Sam could see the snow-capped peaks of high mountains surrounding the green valley. To his right, the grass led down to a flat expanse of water.

A high shriek cut through the silence and Sam swiftly scanned around for the source. Diving out of the crystal blue sky was a large bird, larger than anything Sam had ever seen before. It grew even larger as it got closer and Sam realised it was no bird.
Almost lazily, the pterodactyl swept low over the water dipping its beak into the glassy surface. With a jerk and a snap, the pterodactyl pulled up, a large fish struggling in its grip.

“Don’t run!” a deep voice yelled from the tree line above Sam.
He looked up to see the same man in black trotting down the slope towards him. With his heart pounding, Sam randomised the controls of the time machine again and activated it.

When the world returned around him again, Sam found himself surrounded by a dark and desolate scrubland. The barren earth was sparsely dotted with parched and stunted plant growth. A chill wind whipped him with stinging grains of sharp sand.
Stunning thoughts jangled through Sam’s mind. How had the man in black found him so quickly? Who was he and why did he want to kill him?

A rainbow movement seen out of the corner of his eye forced Sam to turn and face it, his heart pounding against his ribs. The colours faded to show the back of a man wearing grey slacks and a rumpled white shirt who then turned to smile back at Sam. “Don’t panic, it’s just me.”
Sam nodded and smiled, relieved, “I take it I’m going to overlap again... to take on the man in black?”
“Not exactly,” the other Sam shook his head. “You should listen to what he has to say.”
“What?” Sam goggled incredulously. “This is the man who tried to kill me!”
“Not true,” the other Sam smiled, “he just wants to talk to you.”

A familiar rainbow nimbus swirled into being a few yards to Sam’s right and he turned to face it while swiftly setting the time machine for a quick getaway should he need it.
The man in black faded into existence and looked startled, glancing back and forth between the two Sams.
“Please don’t run Doctor Sheldon,” he asked them both, “I need to talk to you.”
“Him,” the other Sam pointed at Sam and smiled.” You need to speak to him.”

“Who are you?” Sam demanded. “And what do you want with me.”
“I’m Gene Thomas,” he replied and looked at the small object he held in his hand, “and I’m afraid I don’t have the time to explain now. I need to get you to a place of safety as soon as possible.”
“This place looks ok,” Sam looked around at the empty landscape and star studded indigo sky. “Can’t you explain now?”
“Don’t worry,” the other Sam interrupted with a smile, “you’ve got five minutes before sunrise.”
“Sunrise?” Sam asked him, curiously.
“You’ll see for yourself in a bit,” the other Sam replied enigmatically.

Gene glanced at both of them looking thoroughly confused but tried to explain. “I’m an agent of TIME and my mission is to take you to headquarters to meet the chief.”
“You’re an agent of Time?” Sam gaped with amazement.
“The Bureau of TIME,” Gene corrected, “T.I.M.E. The Bureau of Temporal Intrusion Monitoring and Excision.”

“And just what is it that you do?” Sam asked sceptically.
Gene squared his shoulders proudly and replied, “It is the Bureau’s directive to monitor the time-stream for any intrusion by time travellers and prevent them from making changes.”
“So, you came after me!” Sam retorted sharply. “You tried to kill me just to stop me making changes?”
“No sir!” Gene shook his head, “I was sent to bring you in to meet with the head of the Bureau.”
“Why?” Sam asked.
“You are the first,” Gene replied with admiration. “Your Chrono was the first ever built, without your technology there would be no Bureau of TIME.”
“You use my time machine?” Sam asked, stunned by Gene’s revelation.
“Not exactly the same,” Gene grinned and held out his own device for inspection, “it’s based on the same principles and design but with some improvements.”
It looked like a matt-black disk about three inches across and an inch thick; to Sam, it resembled an ice-hockey puck.

Warmth bathed the right side of Sam’s chilled body. He turned and saw a deep orange-red curve of light swelling up over the horizon. The warmth increased as the curve grew higher and wider, making the horizon blaze with fiery light.
“Doctor Sheldon,” Gene touched Sam’s arm, “we have to get inside... now!”
“Why?” Sam asked. “It’s only the sunrise... isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Gene nodded, “but it’ll quickly get too hot out here for us to survive.”
“Oh... Ok,” Sam nodded, “you’ve convinced me. I’ll go with you.” He then adjusted the controls of his time machine and pressed the activator, vanishing in a kaleidoscopic swirl.
“What?” Gene asked in surprise. “Where’d he go?”
“I just went back to stop myself,” Sam explained with a smile. “To make sure I listened to you this time.”
“Oh, right,” Gene nodded smiling. “I’m still getting the hang of it... this is my first mission.”
Sam chuckled and then reminded him, “Aren’t we supposed to be going somewhere?”
“Oh, right... yeah,” Gene flustered for a moment before setting the controls of his ‘Chrono’ and quickly stepping closer to Sam at the last moment before the rainbow nimbus surrounded them both.

Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Andrewf on June 13, 2008, 08:25:30 AM

They appeared together in the middle of a featureless white room that was filled with a sourceless glow of light. The walls, floor and ceiling melded together smoothly, making it difficult to judge the size of the space. Until a small section of the nearby wall faded away revealing a white corridor beyond.
“Please follow me,” Gene smiled and started through the newly opened doorway.
Sam followed him in silence as he led through the empty stark corridors and through another vanishing doorway into an impressively large office.
“Doctor Sheldon,” the grey haired man smiled in greeting from behind a large desk. “Welcome to headquarters.”
“You wanted to see me?” Sam asked, feeling the faint stirrings of recognition. Did he know this man?
“Yes indeed,” he smiled affably. “No doubt young Gene has told you that your time machine was the first working model ever built. Well, we have a little issue that only you can solve for us.”
“Me?” Sam asked, nonplussed, “what can I do that you can’t?”

“At this moment in time, if you’ll pardon the expression,” the chief smiled, “it is still ambiguous whether you created the time machine or not.”
“How can it be?” Sam asked incredulous, holding his time machine up to show it was real.
“The plasmatic core you initially received from Dynatech was faulty,” the chief explained, “and they sent a replacement as soon as they found out about the fault. Correct?”
“That’s right,” Sam nodded. “Their note with the replacement explained that they had found the fault and replaced the core.”
“When we sent an agent into Dynatech to look into the fault, we found that on receipt of the first core you had reported the fault and demanded a replacement.”
“But I didn’t,” Sam replied, puzzled, “I used the core they sent and didn’t know it was faulty until I finished the machine and tested it.”
“Exactly!” the chief grinned. “We suspect that you need to go back to the point when they received the instruction and then phone Dynatech and demand the replacement.”
“That could be a problem,” Sam suggested, “when I got the core, I worked on the socket and shield until around midnight.”
“The information we found indicates that you called them the morning after delivery.”
“Oh... ok,” Sam nodded relieved, “I didn’t get into the lab until mid-morning, so that should be ok.”
“There is also a situation with the old core,” the chief continued gravely, “it could potentially be very dangerous...”

*   *   *

The familiar layout of his lab appeared around Sam where he arrived beside of the filing cabinet. He warily stared at the back of the person who was sat at the workbench, lost in his thoughts. Sam quietly hefted the pistol the chief had given him and aimed it at the back of his earlier self.

A trickle of nervous sweat ran down the side of Sam’s face under the black hood  of the suit the chief had insisted he wear. ‘Come on!’ he thought to himself, trying to will his older self to move, positive that he hadn’t sat daydreaming for quite so long.

Finally, the soldering iron slipped from its stand and fell to the floor with a clatter, startling them both. His past self bent over to retrieve it and Sam quickly sighted and pulled the trigger. A multitude of brief flashes and a sizzle of incandescent dust motes highlighted the line of the laser pulse that lanced out. The laser touched the side of the white box that sat on the workbench and burned through in an instant with a small plume of smoke.

His past self spun around to stare at Sam and his pistol in shock. Just in time, Sam felt the welcome sensation as the time machine, still dangling from his left hand, took him away – back to his lab only moments after he had originally departed.

He laid the pistol and time machine on his workbench and pulled off the black hood with a sigh of relief. A disturbing thought occurred to him. What he had just done, the act of shooting out the core of his time machine was the very act that had started the entire sequence of events.

Thank you for reading.

Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Orpheus on June 13, 2008, 08:43:48 AM
Hello mate,
 This is quite a 'biggy'. I'll have a look over the weekend.

Orph ;)
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Ninny on June 14, 2008, 04:57:38 AM
Brilliant Andrew, I loved the army of future selves!!  You really are a mad scientist aren't you?  (but definately not evil!!)
This kept me hooked all the way through .  Just a couple of small picks shown below.
Tomorrow I'll read the next bit!

Thanks Andrew..

Rowena x

whatever had made the hole and had also melted wires and components.

close-cropped Ssandy hair

“Can’t you tell me whatever it is now?”

This seemed a little about..'Can't you explain now?'  ?
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Christopher Silva on June 14, 2008, 07:59:50 AM
Just Great Andrew, good work.

To add to Rowena - whatever had made the hole and had also melted wires and components.

Take out both "had"   You almost never need had ...

“Can’t you tell me whatever it is now?”  Would sound better: "Why can't you tell me now?"

Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Orpheus on June 14, 2008, 10:09:53 AM
Hi Andrew,
 This is great. The only comment for improvement I would have is that sometimes (and we're talking just the odd occasion) your writing seems a bit 'self-concious.' It's hard to quantify what I mean by that - I can only suggest that you read this out loud to yourself and test the flow. I'll take the first sentence as an example.

Samuel Sheldon sat at his workbench peering through his binocular magnifiers at the highly detailed circuit board in front of him.

You're trying too hard here. All I need as the reader to understand what you're trying to say is the following;

At the workbench, Samuel Sheldon studied the circuit board through his binocular magnifiers.

Something like that anyway - you don't need 'highly detailed' - everyone knows what a circuit board looks like, and 'highly detailed,' is not a descriptive term anyway and so leaves us none the wiser.

'In front of him.' Where else would it be? Not behind him - surely. Do you see wat I'm saying. You're too worried about whether the reader will understand what you're trying to say. Trust yourself and the reader a bit more and your work will flow.

Cheers Orph ;D
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Andrewf on June 14, 2008, 01:43:56 PM
Rowena + Chris:  Thank you for reading and the corrections ;).

Rowena, I knew you would like the army of Sams ;D

Orpheus:  You are absolutely right.  I do tend to do what you describe when initially describing a scene. I think this may stem from my years of GM-ing RPG games when each encounter needs a detailed description.  I will endevour to stop doing it so much ;D

Now... Why is nobody agreeing with me about the ending??  :)
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: ma100 on June 14, 2008, 02:56:14 PM
Hi Andrew
I enjoyed the read of this mate, very
inventive. ;D

Just a suggestion, In the second chapter
perhaps try and start your sentences with
something other than Sam. Just seemed a
few too many.

Good stuff
Ma :)
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Andrewf on June 14, 2008, 02:59:14 PM
Thank you for reading Ma. Yup, there are a lot of Sam's in this story. ;D
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Ninny on June 14, 2008, 05:19:25 PM
Now... Why is nobody agreeing with me about the ending?? 

Hadn't got there yet Sweetie!! ;D ;D

Give me a while..I'm working on it.  Oh! and thanks for reviewing my tribute to my dad on the boards..means a lot!! :-*

Rowena x
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Andrewf on June 14, 2008, 05:24:52 PM
:o  hadn't got there?? :o 

Ya most welcome, Ninny ;)
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Ninny on June 14, 2008, 05:32:29 PM
A very interesting and intriguing read my dear Andrew! (I want a plasmatic core!  I still don't understand what it does exactly, well, I am a girl for heaven sake) But it sounds good and I want one! Now!!  If it doesn't work, I'll turn it into a pair of earrings or something!! ::)  I truly enjoyed this!!
Small nit pick below...

Their note with the replacement explained that they had found the fault and replaced the core.”

Thanks Sweetie

Rowena x
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Andrewf on June 14, 2008, 05:38:07 PM
Thank you Rowena...  but still nothing about the ending... ;D  
Was it predictable? Was there enough of a twist in it?
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Ninny on June 14, 2008, 06:19:50 PM
LOL!! :D :D
Than you Rowena...  but still nothing about the ending...   
Was it predictable? Was there enough of a twist in it?

Sorry Sweetie, I was so caught up in the 'plasmatic core' thingy -me- jig!! ;D

I most certainly was surprised by the ending and thought it worked very well indeed. I thought it was a very clever twist!

You know I do this all the time, if I think something is great I say nothing 'cos I assume the other person knows I think it's great! 

I get into so much trouble with my friends for not commenting on their new hairstyles, clothes etc...

So, in future, just poke me in the ribs for a response!!   :D :D
Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Christopher Silva on June 15, 2008, 06:22:23 AM
Yep,  nice twist at the end... I mentioned my thought in my PM   ;D

Love it Andrew, really nice piece!


Title: Re: Causality Loop. SciFi - 4057 words.
Post by: Andrewf on June 15, 2008, 11:21:43 AM
Thanks Rowena :D ;D

Chris, I didn't think your suggestion would work in a story that revolves around cause and effect looping around... but that doesnt mean it can't be used in another story... ;D ;D

As they say... watch this space ;D ;D