My Writers Circle

The Coffee Shop => The Gallery => Topic started by: SteveJ on May 22, 2008, 07:39:06 PM

Title: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: SteveJ on May 22, 2008, 07:39:06 PM


Nocturne

This is the mask that fits my face,
See me vanish without trace
Behind the shade of my disguise,
A Pierrot doll with mirrored eyes

Here is the voice that speaks for me,
Harsh sentence of reality,
Hard talk to soften bitter blows,
The Hammer speaks, the anvil glows 

For bound is the body where I live,
A soaring spirit held captive,
Escapist dreams release my soul
Beyond this frame, beyond control

Untamed is the mind that roams at night,
It bursts the banks of so-called life
And drowns the day in liberty,
River wild, return to me
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: ma100 on May 23, 2008, 04:50:05 AM
Steve I couldn't tell you whether this is good or bad
poetry mate and I don't really care. I liked it.

Mairi :)
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: Hunter on May 27, 2008, 06:56:02 PM
Good poem mate . . . probably not up to the standard of those floating around the Thingy at the moment. We've been doin' poetry lessons and could have done with your input. Don't be shy. ;D
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: Christopher Silva on May 28, 2008, 07:26:16 AM
Very good Steve, just great!

Chris
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: SteveJ on May 28, 2008, 07:42:12 AM
Thank you, Lord Chris & Mr H ;D ;D
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: thatLous on May 28, 2008, 07:47:41 AM
'tis a poem!  ;D Mind giving lessons, sir Steve?

Oh, and just a minor suggestion- I think I heard: 'See me vanish without trace' with 'a' after 'without', but maybe it's just me  ;D ;D ;D Great poem, Captain.
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: SteveJ on May 28, 2008, 07:49:30 AM
Hail Admiral Lou! ;D

After seeing your efforts, and Hunter's, on the Pirates thread, I think you two could write better poetry that this^ :)
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: thatLous on May 28, 2008, 07:50:48 AM
 ;D ;D With random last sentences just to make a rhyme!
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: SteveJ on May 28, 2008, 07:54:39 AM
Yes, well, that's as may be, Admiral, but the truth is, my poems aren't really poetry - they don't conform to poetry's 'rules', you see...

By the way, I will get round to writing the collab. story before long - I'm ill with flu, plus, I was up all night scaring myself as I imagined a new scene for Salv. House's ending ;D ;D
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: thatLous on May 28, 2008, 07:58:08 AM
Rules?  Oh yes...rules! *scratches head*  ;D ;D ;D

No worries, Captain, I am patient! Wait... Salvatore House's ending? The Salvatore House?

*dances about*
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: SteveJ on May 28, 2008, 07:59:41 AM
Yes, the Salvatore House! Though unfortunately, due to the market meltdown, it's now Salvatore Garage. ;D
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: Amie on May 28, 2008, 08:02:36 AM
Yes, well, that's as may be, Admiral, but the truth is, my poems aren't really poetry - they don't conform to poetry's 'rules', you see...

Um, well, in fact they conform to quite a lot of rules - at least, based on the one above. Rhyming and meter foremost. You've also got some nice imagery there. So I have no idea what you're on about. There are no rules really in any case - just hints and guidelines, as for any writing. But since you haven't put this up for critique, I'll back out now :)
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: thatLous on May 28, 2008, 08:03:08 AM
Even better! Perchance, can it pimp my haunted house, sir Steve?  ;D ;D
Title: Re: Nocturne (Poem)
Post by: Christopher Silva on May 28, 2008, 09:48:37 AM
steve, no rules broken here. Looks fine to me..

Chris