My Writers Circle

The Coffee Shop => The Gallery => Topic started by: Hunter on May 21, 2008, 05:20:21 AM

Title: The Horde CH 7 - Escape from Zarcom (some swearing)
Post by: Hunter on May 21, 2008, 05:20:21 AM
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Title: Re: The Horde CH 7 - Escape from Zarcom (some swearing)
Post by: ma100 on May 21, 2008, 05:43:27 AM
Hey Hunter
Cor flippin' heck it is chase the post on here lol. ;D ;D

Okay! Caught my breath.  ;) This was a very good piece mate really enjoyed it. The descriptons were great and I was in there with the action. There was just a couple of nitty things that you might want to think about.

This bit here
Quote
Hunter turned and ran. He ran and ran...
seems you need a bit of a reword maybe. Also you have three paragraphs that you have Hunter as the start word together.

But a great read mate
well done
Mairi ;D