My Writers Circle

Writing => All the Write Questions => Topic started by: Smiley on April 05, 2006, 12:42:22 PM

Title: Which do I use??
Post by: Smiley on April 05, 2006, 12:42:22 PM
Hi Guys,

If something is happening continuously does it sound better to say unrelentlessly or unrelentingly? The sentence I'm writing is:

"Ice-cold rain spat spitefully in her face like hundreds of tiny needles unrelentlessly prickling her sallow skin."

any advice appreciated,thanks


Smiley
Title: Re: Which do I use??
Post by: Nick on April 05, 2006, 12:52:22 PM
You could either say unrelentingly or relentlessly. Not unrelentlessly though - that's the opposite to what you mean!

Nick  :)
Title: Re: Which do I use??
Post by: Smiley on April 05, 2006, 01:23:37 PM
Thank you nick  ;D

Smiley
Title: Re: Which do I use??
Post by: akpolarmom on April 08, 2006, 04:37:25 AM
Now I have a petpeeve that needs attention...lol The over use of adverbs. You can rewrite this sentence, make is more active and loose both adverbs; maybe something like this:

"Unrelenting, the ice-cold spitefull rain spat in her face like hundreds of tiny needles prickling her sallow skin."

You also puts emphasis on unrelenting by placing it before the description / simili. It makes the continous nature of the rain even stronger, like there is no escaping. ;)

Akpolarmom
 

Title: Re: Which do I use??
Post by: urban scribe on April 08, 2006, 03:34:23 PM
in my opinion, this sentence, without reading the surrounding prose, is overly descriptive.

what is it about the rain that makes it "spiteful"? has the rain fallen victim to the pathetic fallacy: assigning human emotions to inanimate objects.

for what it's worth, my version of your sentence would read:

The unrelenting icy rain assaulted her face like hundreds of tiny needles prickling her sallow skin.

~us
Title: Re: Which do I use??
Post by: Smiley on April 08, 2006, 05:42:19 PM
Thanks guys for taking the time to comment,

akpolarmom - I've taken your advice and placed "unrelenting" at the start of the sentence to make the continuous nature of the rain stronger - thanks

US -if you're interested, the surrounding prose is in "review my work" well, two paragraphs are anyway.

There have been other comments on the personification or "pathetic fallacy"  :-[ so, anyway I have changed the sentence and it now reads: "Unrelenting, ice-cold rain spat in her face like hundreds of tiny needles prickling her sallow skin"  this is still work in progress so it may change again yet :-\

Thanks again, appreciate your help

Smiley :)
Title: Re: Which do I use??
Post by: Telcontar on April 09, 2006, 12:18:41 PM
Hi Smiley,

"Unrelenting, ice-cold rain spat in her face like hundreds of tiny needles prickling her sallow skin"

I think I've got this right. How about putting the verb (prickling) first, to make the action stronger:

"Unrelenting ice-cold rain spat in her face, prickling her sallow skin like hundreds of tiny needles "

Dave.
Title: Re: Which do I use??
Post by: Smiley on April 09, 2006, 05:26:21 PM
See!, I said it may change again. ;)

Thanks for that Dave, yes I agree- thats definately better.

What would I do without you all??? ???

Smiley :)